Damn You, My Love
by sbyamibakura
Summary: Roy/Ed. Edward has something important to tell Roy. Set Post FMA movie, slightly AU for extra content


Damn You, My Love

By: D.A Cirle

I found myself in love. Don't laugh, it's not funny. I should never have fallen in love. And with HIM of all people! Oh, it's all his fault! I'm so going to kick his ass whenever I can get the chance to! Damn you Roy Mustang! I'm Edward Elric! The fucking FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST!! I don't just go around, acting like a love sick puppy! Oh, here's where your comment would come in, "Well, FullMetal I can say for certain that your not a dog of the Military; your a puppy."

Then that'll make me say "Who are you calling so short that they have to be called a puppy?!" And then he'll put on that smirk of his, yeah...no! No! Damn him! Then that will get me going, and I'll want to kiss him! And I can't do that with the others around! It's all his fault! If he hadn't looked at me that way. If he hadn't touched me, then pulled back as if burned. He's the Flame Alchemist! Fire isn't supposed to hurt him... Damn him for making me FEEL.

To hear him, hear his sighs and to hear him moan because I was touching him in just the right way. To hear him breath my name in that voice of his. To hear him tell me that he loves me. To see him. To see that face as he smirks at me. That face as he smiles that smile that he doesn't allow anyone else to see.

That face as he feels such pleasure as he pulses inside me. That face as he just looks down at me with the softest eyes, and the most beautiful smile. That face that tells me all I need to know. I don't have to have words.

But, he gives them to me.

Damn you...Damn you...

I love you.

I fucking love you. You filled this void in me that I hadn't wanted to think about. I had put all my efforts into getting Al back into his body. That I said "get OUR bodies back" was a complete lie. I didn't care about my own needs; just that I could get his. To repay for my sin which I had went so long in atoning for. You were there that whole time, Roy. You tried so hard to keep us in line, all your effort to just keep us ALIVE. All that time I didn't know.

I thought you did it all for a selfish power gain. I had no idea then that you cared. It's probably better that I didn't know. If I had let myself stop and think, I know I would have came to this conclusion; That I loved you.

And in not letting me know, you let me keep my head clear for my and Al's goals. I could go on, doing what I could to find the Philosopher's Stone for Alphonse. And then I...died. When I came to, no, when I came BACK...I had only two thoughts then. My biggest was to use myself as sacrifice to give Al back what was so wrongfully taken from him, because of my own blind Pride. And the other thought, was hidden in the back, lurking. I hoped you would forgive me this thing, because he was my brother.

Then those years... those long years of loneliness. No Alphonse, no you. I was all alone in my own little world. I had a couple of friends and they kept me sane, but I was dead inside. It was only when I had Al back, and then when I seen you... then my heart seemed to beat for the first time with Life.

I seen you and you gave me that smile, as if no time had passed, but you let me see deep into you, past that facade that you gave to other people. I could see Roy Mustang. And he cared.

I realized that I loved you.

Then me and Alphonse went away, and I thought I wouldn't see you again. Al kept me from breaking apart. I never said anything, but he still knew. Smart. That is what my brother is, so very smart. And so filled with compassion that I wonder that he doesn't burst with it.

Then that day... the Gate broke open and I fell from the sky, and you were there. I didn't think you'd ever open up from your facade, but you did. I saw Roy Mustang on the surface, and just you calling my name had such a feeling of emotion. You took care of me; you nursed me back to health. Me and Alphonse. Weeks later, and I finally got up the courage to kiss you.

I thought you'd die of shock, and I about did when you kissed me back.

I knew complete shock when you were deep inside, when you looked down over me, and told me those three little words. Such a way to shatter someone, by three little words. You filled my heart and gave me hope again.

Damn you.

How could you do this to me? Loving someone is the hardest thing. It's so much easier to hate and dislike them, because then you don't have to worry about them, or care about them. You don't have to worry if their hurt, or sick. You don't have to worry about waking up in the middle of the night holding them close and comforting them because they were ordered to do terrible things in another country.

You don't have to worry about your fear that they would just up and leave, or they would leave late at night without a word, or with angry and hurtful words. I spent so many nights pretending I was asleep when I was really awake, that was why I kept falling asleep during your meetings. You made me worry; you made me worry because I wanted to stay with you always, because I loved you with not only my heart (which was hard enough to give) but also my soul.

I gave all my most precious things, including (and especially) my brother. I gave you all, and I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop. For you to leave, and to hurt me.

But, you never did that.

Damn you.

Damn you, because I love you. After everything the two of us have seen separately and together, after all of that...you still love me. And there's no possible way that I could love you less. You did that to me.

Damn you, my love.

Damn you...

Because I love you.


End file.
